“I AM MORE THAN…”
Graphic is a close-up shot of a typewriter with "Power in the word" typed on the paper it holds. (Source- pxfuel.com)
By Vanessa Chica Ferreira
Happy Poetry Month!
Poetry for me is the ability to create, connect, release, contemplate, be petty, to remember, it is to heal, inform, be used for activism, to honor my mother’s memory. It is a shapeshifter that changes with my needs. Poetry helps me unlearn what I was taught about how to exist in a fat body. It gives me the courage not only to advocate for myself but also for others.
A Plastic Covered Couch
Doña Persia’s plastic-wrapped couch
invites me to rest from a long day of playing tag
Huffs “You’re too big”
“Why can't you be skinny like your cousin”?
There are people outside the window chanting
“SHE’S TOO BIG”, “SHE'S TOO BIG”
There’s a layer of sweat forming beneath me
the couch laughs
Yells “FATSO”
Just before I escape
Slaps the back of my thighs
HARD
Doña Persia shakes her head
gives me a carnival sideshow look
serves me a heaping plate of shame
tells me to finish it
My stomach swells and thinks
“This must be love”
My body crumbles/ a returning
I skim through the pieces/collect the divine innocence
What once was/before they came
Make my hands sticky with plasma/mold me to returning
The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone
The hip bone is connected to the backbone
A honeyed gathering
The 5-year-old with her oversized bowl of cereal and morning cartoons
The 11-year-old who was warned not to have seconds
Big girls don't find husbands
The teenager who ached to be wanted
All bathed/fed/ dressed for the occasion
The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone
The hip bone is connected to the backbone
The backbone is connected to the neck bone
The head returns to its master
Reclaims its body
I Am More Than
I am more than
The awakening of cruelty in middle school children
a too big to ride at the carnival
a missed high school graduation
a look at her eat
I am more than
a pretty face
heavy limbs
double chin
The size of my belly
I am more than
a series of failed shopping trips
lists of what to eat,
what not to eat
and when to eat it
a doctor's example of caution
a lover’s secret
The things you start to believe
when you hear them enough
These things they stick
even after you grow up or wash
There’s something left behind
a permanent kind of thing
a whole life’s work
When my weary body
asks for a soak
and the tub isn’t enough
I make due
gather water at my feet
up towards my ankles
the round of my belly
across a long stretch of back
a delicate dance with gravity
a whole body of a universe
each scoop is an act of redemption
an asking for forgiveness
My body does not notice
It does not fault
It finds its cure in salt
I invite you to consider writing an “I am more than” poem
List all the negative things you were told or led to believe about your body, begin with the prompt “I am more”.
List the ways your miraculous body supports you.
Look at your lists, start to make connections, and find the rhythm of your poem.
Once completed, be vulnerable and share it with others.
I would love to read what you wrote, follow me and tag me on social media.
Live Big!
Vanessa Chica
Headshot of poet Vanessa Chica, a fat brown-skinned Latinx woman with long dark hair.
Vanessa Chica Ferreira (she/her) is an NYC educator, poet, playwright, fat activist/model, co-editor, and producer for RoblesWritesProductions Inc., and founder of theWORDbox. She co-wrote and performed in a 3 woman play titled “Live Big Girl” which debuted at The National Black Theatre. Her work can be found in "The BX Files" Contemporary Poetry from the Bronx" Anthology, “The Abuela Stories Project” The Acentos Review, and Great Weather For Media anthology.
For more info visit www.vanessachica.com
Instagram URL- https://www.instagram.com/vanessachicawrites/
Facebook URL- https://www.facebook.com/Vlovely
Twitter URL- https://twitter.com/PoetryChica
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