By Mycroft Masada Holmes

Hello and Happy Pride!  

Pride is an important part of June, and pronouns are an important part of pride.  And -- spoiler alert -- using the correct pronouns for people is important all year.  Many transgender people and allies in the NAAFA community have experience with this, and we’d love it if you could like, comment on and share this post.  For those of you who are newer, here are some pointers.      

The most common sets of pronouns in English are she/her/hers, he/him/his, and they/them/theirs.  Most women, cisgender (non-transgender) and transgender, use “she”.  Most men, cis and trans, use “he”.  Most nonbinary people use “they”.  (And, not all nonbinary people identify as trans.)  

Some people use more than one set.  Some people use other gender neutral / inclusive pronouns, like zie/hir/hirs.  Some people don’t use pronouns for themselves at all.  Some use only their name, the first letter of their name, etc.

Trans people, binary and non, have always existed, and gender neutral / inclusive / nonbinary pronouns like the singular “they” have been used for centuries.  They don’t exist in all current languages yet, but there are people working to change that.  

You can’t tell someone’s pronouns from only their gender presentation, and you can’t tell someone’s gender identity just from their pronouns.  The biggest reason for this is that, due to transphobia, it’s not safe for many people to express their gender, or their pronouns, the way they want to.  If you need to know someone’s pronouns, you may want to try sharing your pronouns, and then asking them which ones they use. 

Increasingly, people share their pronouns when they introduce themselves, on their nametags, with their Zoom name, in their email signature, online bios, etc.  

I’m a thin nonbinary trans person; I was assigned “female” at birth, and usually present in a mixed-gender way that’s mostly feminine.  I primarily use they/them/theirs.  “Mycroft loved Fat Liberation Month; it was a great precursor to Pride for them.  One of their favorite parts was the faith-based webinar.  They are already looking forward to next year.” 

My spouse is a superfat queer cis woman who is gender non-conforming -- she presents in a mas(s)culine manner.  She uses she/her/hers.  (And, she gave me permission to use her as an example.)    

Getting people’s pronouns right can take time and work, especially when it comes to gender-neutral pronouns.  We all make mistakes with this.  Even those of us with years of experience, even some trans people, even some nonbinary people -- myself included!  When this happens, acknowledge it, apologize, and move on.  And, practice makes perfect, or at least makes progress.  Some people find it especially helpful to practice with animals, including their own pets.  

One great resource for further learning is My Pronouns.  Also, mark your calendars for Pronouns Day on October 20th!  

Mycroft Masada is a nonbinary trans and queer Jewish and interfaith leader with 30 years of experience, particularly called to pursue LGBTQ+ and fat liberation. A Fat Torah Advisory Team member, Food Psych transcriptionist, and TransEpiscopal Steering Committee member, Mycroft is also an advocate, organizer, consultant, educator, trainer, writer and artist. They are easy to find, Friend and follow on Facebook, Twitter and elsewhere.

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