FATT Chat #3: Trevor Kezon
Welcome to FATT Chat! The acronym stands for Fat Acceptance Tales & Techniques and underlines the very intention for this series. My hope is to create fat visibility with first-person fat liberation stories, as well as foster fat acceptance in others by sharing fat positive resources and strategies. In FATT Chat, you’ll find interviews with NAAFA members and non-members alike who will share their personal stories of fat acceptance and the real life techniques that have and continue to help them in their own lives. You’ll also find all resources discussed in an easy-access list at the end of each interview.
With that, please enjoy this FATT Chat featuring Trevor Kezon!
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This interview was recorded on March 23, 2021 . Please enjoy the audio version below.
A screenshot of Trevor and Bree on Zoom. On the left is Trevor, a fat gay man with short brown hair and black-rimmed glasses, wearing a dark t-shirt and smiling. On the right is Bree, a fat, white, middle-aged person with very short teal hair. They’re smiling and pointing towards Trevor.
BREE: Yay! Hi! Welcome to FATT Chat! I am so excited today to be joined by my very good friend, Trevor!
TREVOR: Hello!
BREE: Hi Trevor!
TREVOR: Hi Bree!
BREE: I have to preface this whole interview by letting everyone know we truly are friends. We've known each other for a very, very, very long time. So, not that I don't love all the interviews, but this one definitely feels a little extra special to me, so thank you for participating.
TREVOR: I am thrilled to be here and to be part of this.
BREE: So, I always started out by asking everyone to please introduce yourself.
TREVOR: That's always the thing I hate most about any kind of experience, but I'm Trevor Kezon. I'm a writer, I live in Los Angeles. I moved here shortly after Bree. It's, um... Oh shit, it's been 10 years.
BREE: I know, it's wild.
TREVOR: But, I'm a writer. I am a baby fat activist. I am a podcaster. I host The Big Fat Gay Podcast with my husband and two friends. It's a weird time. Today's the day, as we're recording this, it’s actually the day LA is officially opened back up. I saw something on the news with the Minions. There's some ceremony with the Minions and giant checks. (Bree laughs) So that's where I'm at right now, mentally.
BREE: (Laughing) Oh my god, I'm distracted by Minions now. It's cool. This might even be extra giggly just because we're friends and I'm a giggle fiend.
So, you know FATT Chat stands for Fat Acceptance Tales and Techniques. Wherever you want to start this is totally up to you. I know it's so hard to encompass our entire being into one answer, but I also believe whatever is spoken is what needs to be said. So, with that, would you mind telling us a little bit about your own personal fat acceptance story?
TREVOR: So, we have the harp flashback sound. I talked a little bit in the NAAFA seminar series last year--the queer panel--about being a fat kid, realizing I'm gay. And then in this, I'm closeted, I'm in Catholic school, I have a LiveJournal where I spend a lot of time. For those of you who are too young or too old to know what LiveJournal is, it was an online blogging platform and there were little communities you could be part of. So, that was kind of my safe space when I was a closeted little chubby gay kid. And through kind of exploring this… Like, realizing again, like, “Okay, what does that mean?” I found the fat gay world and became friends with some people on LiveJournal, and was able to realize that there was a space for me. And that was actually a pretty quick jump from like, “I'm gay” to like, “Okay, I'm fat and gay, and there are other fat gay people.” I was trying to think of the first time I really saw a fat gay man on TV, and I think it was Chris March in Project Runway, if you don't count Ortho from Beetlejuice.
So, early on I found this space and then also, as I grew up and came out, I was in high school in my Gay-Straight Alliance, which we called it Committed to Action, so a CTA. I'm from Chicago and that is also the name of the Chicago Transit Authority. And the method behind it was so you could say you were going to something without saying you were going. Basically, like, “I'm going to gay club.” So, I feel like that's kind of where I got my feet wet with activism. And also something that I’m personally passionate about with fat activism is finding allies and recruiting allies. So, that's also something I really did with my school's GSA because by the time I was a senior and I was running the GSA, I think I was the only gay person in the club.
BREE: Oh my god!
TREVOR: It really was a gay-straight alliance. But that was something that, looking back and now thinking about this conversation, finding people who will stand up for you has always been really important to me. Even in high school, I had a gym teacher that hated me, and one of my friends who was in the same gym class as me reamed her out one day. She would always kind of rag on me and pick on me, and my friend stood up and screamed at her one day and, like, what a magical thing for anyone to have.
And then I feel like I kind of dipped off the radar for a while. In college I met Bree, which was a lovely experience. And I really didn't get involved in what I would call fat activism until the NAAFA conference in 2019. I mean, I did a lot of writing about fatness, but I don't personally feel like it was activism. I feel like it was more just trying to find representation, which is a form of activism, but I mean, I feel like now I'm digging in more, especially by doing the work we're both doing with the Future of NAAFA Committee.
BREE: What kind of things are you writing about?
TREVOR: I mean, some things about fat sexuality, some things about the experience of being fat, especially going from the Midwest to Los Angeles, and especially West Hollywood within Los Angeles. You know, Los Angeles is body conscious, West Hollywood is ultra body conscious. Also, I wrote a book that was a middle-grade novel about a fat kid that solves mysteries with his bulldog and his two best friends. And it was interesting going through that process of writing the book and working with different writing groups and getting notes of writing a story with a fat protagonist where the story's not about their weight or them trying to lose weight and just, like, people not getting that; people just really not getting that fat people exist and do things that aren't related to them needing to lose weight or wanting to lose weight. That fat people just exist in a story. Yeah, that was very eye-opening. And also, seeing a lot of positive feedback to people just being like, “Oh my god, this is amazing. I've never seen a fat person as a protagonist where they're just existing.”
BREE: I think you also wrote about participating in sumo wrestling, right?
TREVOR: Yes. There was a point where I had these three essays. One was about being fat at the gym and just being fat in a fitness-oriented space. And then there was a period where Iwas doing sumo in Los Angeles after attending the US Sumo Tournament in Little Tokyo. And then about just being a fat person that doesn't want to lose weight. And I was working on these three essays, they weren't really going anywhere. And then I did a writing workshop where I realized these are all the same thing. And I ultimately pitched and published that in the New York Times. And that was actually… I sold the article right before the NAAFA conference, so I was talking about it a little bit at that time. I didn't know when it was gonna be published.
BREE: Can you talk more about what you found or how it made you feel, in terms of sumo or however you like to workout or do movement? How has it fulfilled you?
TREVOR: I mean, I’m going from having always been lazy, I hated gym class, I didn't really like walking without a purpose. And bike riding, yeah, sure, whatever. But I was naturally a very lazy, cozy person. I like to float in a pool, I don't like to swim. And the only time I really felt drawn to a physical activity was after attending the sumo tournament, because it was the first time I saw a body that was like mine, really. I really got the strength behind it and seeing fat people flip each other and just, like... If you see sumo on TV, you get a sense, but being there in person... I mean, you hear the impact, you can almost feel the shock waves from that. And then, you know, I turned to my husband, I'm like, “I want to do sumo.” They talked about having a little group that practices somewhere in the Valley, and I was like, “I'm gonna check it out!” And I did and I was like, “I'm just gonna stand in the back and watch, I'm not gonna do it.” And then I found out after I showed up, like, that's not a thing. You have to do it or leave. And that was probably the most exhausting experience I ever had because I went from zero activity, like maybe newly awakened coma patient levels of activity, to like, I am engaging in a physical sport right now. And I felt like I was gonna die at the end of that, but I'm like, “I want to come back.” And I now know that I have to go to the gym and practice for this. And even that, like... I don't know. It sucked because it was… I mean, I was motivated because I'm like, “Okay, this is in order to do this activity.” It is not just an exercise 80s workout, “Sweating to the Oldies” thing. It is in order to [participate in sumo.]
This wasn’t in the article. I had an injury, so I took some time off and then the election happened. This was 2016. So, that kind of sent me through a loop. I was having back pain and I was just kind of stressed out at the state of the world. And I knew, like, “Okay, I need to get back to the gym, but I need to do something different,” because I was having back issues. And, like, if I'm going to go back to do sumo or not, I need to find something to alleviate this. And I started doing pilates, which is kind of... that's the arc of the article. But I had actually done pilates briefly for a couple weeks when I was eight years old, because my mom was doing it and, I don't really remember the rhyme or reason to why, like, “I'm gonna bring my eight-year-old and he can do pilates,” which was not, like… That is not really a thing. (laughter) It was a very unusual situation and I ended up stopping at that point because the instructor I was working with moved to Australia. But it was something that I had done in the past and I was like, “I kind of like it, so I’ll try this,” and I've been doing pilates since. During the pandemic, I started doing Zoom pilates with an instructor and I'm still virtual.
I think my takeaway from all this for me was finding something that makes you appreciate what your body is capable of, because I think what people really don't understand is, they're like, “Oh, fat people are so lazy, fat people are so…” We can, like… Fat people just existing in the little things we do, require so much physical strength that people don't realize because they just see a fat body and they have whatever narrative, whatever feelings they've created about that. And even at various points, I did pilates but I also worked with a trainer and he was having me do squats, but with a sandbag. And I eventually said, “You realize that even without the sandbag, I'm squatting more weight than you are with the sandbag. And he's like, “No, it's nothing.” And I was just like, I motioned to my body. I'm like, “Yes, this is nothing. This is zero. This is air.” And then he's like, “Okay, wait, no, yeah, actually, I get that now.” So, finding something that you enjoy and that puts you more in touch with your body and what it's capable of and appreciating the strength in the little things you do.
BREE: I actually 110% agree. I can't believe we've not talked about this before, but I feel like I had a very similar experience when I got into roller derby. I was the same. I didn't do shit in terms of movement. (laughter)
TREVOR: I can say, I don't remember if it was me or if it was someone else. Didn't you tell me the story that you texted someone to come over to turn on the light because you were wrapped up in a blanket? (laughter)
BREE: You know my memory is a joke, but I believe it. I would believe that 100%. But yeah, I didn't do shit before. Walking… I, too, detested walking. And when I started roller derby, I just wanted the same thing. I was just like, “I'ma just watch,” and they were like, “No, you could do it, like, come on, put on some skates,” and it was awful. It was so painful. It was rough. But I kept going back and I think that's exactly what a bit of it is, is that empowering feeling of, like, “Oh shit, not only am I capable of doing something that everybody thinks I'm not capable of, but myself… I'm doing something to prove my own self wrong about what I think I'm capable of or not. It was such a soul-nourishing experience, let alone everything else that comes along with it. It can be fun, you have community, blah, blah, blah, blah.
What else… You mentioned LiveJournal was a big resource. That is also becoming a through line in a lot of these conversations, these internet communities. Mine was Tumblr. Tumblr is where I found fat positivity for the first time. And, of course, you mentioned sumo and pilates and everything. But are there other particular experiences or resources that have propelled you in your own, like, loving your body?
TREVOR: I think I touched on this in the NAAFA panel I was on. As a gay man, finding a fat community--which in gay world, it's the chub chaser community or bear community--there are events. The straight world has the BBW Bashes or fat pool parties. Going to a chub chaser event for the first time--and a really big one just announced an event for 2022, it's called Bigger Vegas, it's the biggest chub chaser event I think worldwide. In 24 hours they had 685 registrations, which is bonkers, it's bananas. I was shocked to see that this morning. But going to one of these events where you are not only normal, you're sexy. But it's also the norm. I mean, it is the pool party scene from Shrill but with 700 people. I think if someone's never experienced that, like really getting to feel like you're in your tribe, you're in your community. It's a wonderful experience to just be able to switch off that, you know, comparing yourself to others, because everyone is like you. I think that's a big thing I would suggest, finding your version of that. I mean, if you can find a fat pool party, I 100% recommend going. Especially as the world opens back up, I think it's just a magical feeling, and I really, like… That scene from Shrill, I love so much on so many levels, but I remember that feeling for myself, of just really feeling a sense of belonging.
BREE: Yeah. Of course, I thought of that scene too when you started talking about that. I remember crying when I watched it. I can’t remember, would it have happened before or after the NAAFA Conference?
TREVOR: I think the NAAFA Conference was maybe before.
BREE: Yeah! It was actually two years ago from today, because I remember my friend's baby was born while I was there and his birthday was yesterday. So, happy two years since we were in Vegas with a bunch of other dope fatties.
TREVOR: Aw…
BREE: I know, I miss it so much. I was just thinking, I feel like I cried watching that pool scene not only because it is, like, anybody in a fat body, it will resonate with because it's something that feels like you can only dream of. But I feel like I also cried because I missed that experience for myself. I think the NAAFA Conference is probably the only time I experienced that for myself. Both the pool party and the fashion show were super big deals for me. Yeah, I'm just basically seconding everything you're saying. Who would have thought we would agree? (laughter)
TREVOR: I think even on a smaller scale, I mean… I was thinking about this interview and just my journey, my life. Harp sound again. But just having fat friends is important as a fat person because I know so many people who don't have fat friends and it's just kind of them talking about, like, “Yeah, my friends really just don't get it,” and I'm just tired of trying to explain to them that, like, “No, that booth isn't gonna work.” I'm having to do that every time and just little things where they're just tired of not having someone who gets it. Bree and I were RAs together and that was a lovely experience, just having someone. Whenever we would have our big group meetings, it's like, “There's my person. There's someone who gets it.”
BREE: Yeah, it kind of blows my mind. I think back to that time, because it is over a decade now that we were in Chicago as Resident Assistants. If you don't know, RAs are Resident Assistants. In our situation, we each were in charge of a floor of the dorm basically, and like, community building and blah, blah, blah. But it was undergrad where I found the Tumblr fat community and all that, and even before having any sense of fat positivity or even acceptance, I knew that having a friend like you mattered. I mean, of course because we're great people and just on a human level we matter, but especially when you're in such a large group and we're the only ones who are like, fucking fat, that camaraderie… It was unconscious, but it was so important at the time.
Now I'm just having weird RA memories. (laughter)
You mentioned the event in Vegas. For anybody who might want some other specific ones to look up, do you have other events that you've participated in that you could recommend?
TREVOR: Yes. So, there's one this year in New Orleans, Labor Day weekend, called Big Bayou. The Big Fat Gay Podcast, we're doing a live show from there, which is very strange. I don't know what to expect, but you should come and be there! I should say that Big Bayou and Bigger Vegas are gay events, so just be mindful. Like, you can come party still if you're not gay, but just be mindful.
BREE: Or don't. If you're straight, fuck off. (laughter) No, I'm kidding.
TREVOR: Well, it's funny because… So, Bigger Vegas is, I think, co-run by the woman who runs the BBW bashes. So, there's times where they kind of overlap where there's Bigger Vegas and then whatever this other BBW bash is, and some of the women and men who attend the BBW bash will arrive at the end of Bigger Vegas. So it's just even more fat, fun community. And comparing, like, “What’s it like for you as fat women?” And comparing notes, which is always fun.
BREE: Do you know, off the top of your head, some of those, like, comparing notes conversations?
TREVOR: I think one of my big takeaways is it is very different, because for gay men and the man-woman dynamic, there's a whole lot more there, understandably. At the BBW bashes, there seem to be more fashion shows and stuff, which I would love to see at the the gay events. I would love for there to be a men's fashion show. Like, DXL, where are you at? There's a Winston Box big and tall subscription clothing service. I would love to see that, because part of the reason I felt drawn to be part of the Future of NAAFA Committee is because there aren't a lot of men involved. With NAAFA, I think on the committee, there's two of us now, which is massive. Because last year there was me. And I would love to see more men and people masc-identifying involved just because the more bases we can cover in just getting anyone involved… You know, I was talking about allies before. I attended a seminar a couple years ago and I really got the idea of notions of conversations and people's listening and that, as a fat person, there's people who just won't listen to me. They just won't. They have created this barrier. And a thin person can come up and say the same exact thing and it will blow their mind, like, “Oh my god, I've never thought about it that way. Why didn't you say something before?” And I mean, this is true of any marginalized community. There are just going to be people who put up barriers and it is incredibly frustrating for someone who is more white, someone who is more male, someone who is more cis, straight, whatever, to be like, “Well, actually, this,” and then it's suddenly to penetrate. And as frustrating as that is, I like to think of it as a gift almost, of someone using their privilege and alleviating the burden just so that you don't always have to be the one to explain, like, “Well, actually, maybe fat people should get treated better at the doctor's office,” and to not have to just have the same conversations over and over and drain yourself. Because that repetition, and that repetition with lack of listening or breaking through that barrier, it rains your life force.
BREE: Before I move on, is there any other specific media, organizations, people, whatever, that you’d like to point people towards?
TREVOR: Ooh. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I have my podcast, The Big Fat Gay Podcast, where, for people who their interest has been peaked by me mentioning events, we just had an episode come out about events. We're going to be talking about fat travel stuff this summer. We've talked about a whole bunch of stuff. I like to think of myself as a resource.
I love the work that Spencer Pablo is doing on Instagram. However Chubby, he does a lot of photography of fat men and it’s just beautiful work. He also does tutorials on how to photograph a fat body and how you can take better pictures of yourself, which I think is, like… Taking a cute picture of your butt can be a very empowering experience. To learn to do that even better with lights and positioning your cell phone and stuff, like, 100% recommend following him. If you're on Twitter, Guy Branham, the comedian, a fat gay man. I think the most recent person who I've seen on TV who I identify with, he had Talk Show the Game Show, and he is very vocal about the treatment of fat people on television. Very frequently things are coming up with that and he is a very powerful voice that I like. Also, one more, @dexrated, Dexter Mayfield, the dancer, amazing. He's been on the podcast but also just… He is lovely and an amazing dancer.
BREE: I've been on the pod too, so just FYI if you love FATT Chat, you might want to go search for that. It was definitely a fun episode about sex toys.
Okay, so every interview we get a question from the previous guest, and then you'll have a chance to ask the next guest a question. Our previous guest was Caleb Luna, and Caleb asked, “When you experience fatphobia or fat stigma, how do you cope? How do you take care? What are your healing rituals whenever you're like, ‘Wow, that just happened and that's, like, really fucked up.”
TREVOR: Usually in the moment, I'm just like, “I need to compartmentalize this for now so I can move on with my day and function. Usually one of the first things I'll do, because I feel like for some reason it always tends to happen when I'm traveling, my first instinct is like, “Okay, whatever, take a breath, move on.” And then usually I will reach out to my friends and be like, “Can you believe this shit just happened? Like, what? Like, I don't even know what to do right now.”
I think another way I deal with it is in, like, experiencing fatphobia in places like a gym, it's like, it's weird because it's fatphobia, but the people don't get it's fatphobic. This interaction is someone processing their own issues and trauma with their body, and just knowing that they're in this space and it sucks, but that's where they're at and it's not about me, it's about them and them dealing with their own issues about their body or just about bodies in general. As a de-stressor, I always kind of like a hot shower or something. What element is Gemini? Am I a water sign? Or am I an air sign?
BREE: I want to say it's water but let's just Google it to be sure. We don't need the internet freaking out. (typing) Gemini, water or air? Oh, you’re air, but it says your qualities are hot and wet. Yeah, so there we go. That's so interesting, air but still a wet quality.
TREVOR: A hot shower, or if I have access to a pool. I used to live in a building with a pool, I don't anymore. I just find something comforting about water when you need to decompress and de-stress. I mean, you know water is cleansing, but also I just feel like it is, like… I like the weightlessness of being in a pool and almost just kind of being able to not only lift your spirits, kind of release your mind, but also not have any burden whatsoever because you're weightless. You're being cleansed, you're chilling.
BREE: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love that. I use almost every shower as an opportunity for cleansing, even if it's just, like, cleanse the fuckin’ day. I also use it as a way to shift the energy of whatever I have just experienced. Like, something I kept complaining about with COVID stuff was, like, it was getting really difficult to do all my socializing from my house, because there's something about leaving the house and then being able to come back in, that shifting of energy where I can leave it out there, was really helpful. And so I realized, “Okay, how can I do that in my house?” And I started utilizing that intention with the shower as well. Like, you can go into the separate room, and then you're utilizing different elements of water and whatever. Yeah, it's super helpful in that way.
Okay, now it's your turn. What would you like to ask the next guest?
TREVOR: I feel like I talked a bit about representation and I'm always curious what other people want to see as fat representation. So, what would your dream fat representation in media be?
BREE: Okay. And now you get to answer that question yourself.
TREVOR: Oh shit. (laughter) So, this is actually something that… I don't remember exactly the article that spawned it, we had a conversation on the podcast about fat reboots of stuff. I think it was because there was someone that wrote an essay about diversity in TV and how the CW, with all of their DC shows, has been making it more diverse kind of in these various reboots and the actors who play characters changing. But I would love a fat Sex in the City show. I pitched this on the show, but basically it's like, there's fat people but then there's also people who prefer fat partners. So, you get to see all of these different perspectives of fat dating. And also, like, there's someone who works in activism, and someone working in law, and how being fat affects all of these different little parts of your life when it's not just about weight loss. It's just being in an office and being fat and the experience of that. I had that there was a character who was in PR and dealing with these very image conscious cultures as a fat person. And just living life and friendship and love while fat. I would love that. When we get to the point where someone can be fat and it doesn't really even come up, like it's just like, we can just have fat characters on television and it's not like, “Oh, but remember they're fat.” Like, you can see that they're fat but we need to remind you in a weird way that they're fat.
BREE: (laughs) I would love that. I never even watched Sex in the City, but I already know I'd like a fat Sex in the City. I'm trying to think….if I had to do a fat reboot, what would I want to do? I don't know, everything fat, I guess. I just want to see fat people everywhere! I'm really inspired right now by different types of dance and I would definitely love to see, like… maybe some fat dancers on TV. I don't know if it would be a competition or a docu-series or what, but I'm really interested in seeing fat people, not even just in dance, but different kinds of movement in general. We talked about being at the gym and all that stuff. Ii would love to see the normalization of people working out because they just like to work out and not to lose weight. Seeing people do all kinds of dance, skate, just lots of jiggling on screen is something I am interested in.
That was actually the last question, but I keep wanting to ask a follow-up. I'm not sure even how to ask… Could you speak to fat sexuality a little bit and maybe touch on the line for you or the comfort level for you in terms of, like, some people don't want to feel like a fetish and shit like that. Can you talk about that a little?
TREVOR: So, I've talked about this a lot on the podcast, because I think something that is polarizing for general fat community about our podcast is… You know, there's me and Don and we're fat, and then Michael and Dan aren't fat, but they prefer fat partners. Dan's my husband. And in gay world it's chubby chaser and chaser. And I found out very early on that this was a thing and I'm like, “Okay, cool,” because I didn't want to have to change my body to have a partner, but I also want someone to appreciate my body. Because I encountered, when I was in college and I was dating, I encountered guys where it's like, “Well, I don't really care what you look like,” and it's like, but do you think I'm cute? I want you to enjoy my butt! And it was just this weird thing where, like, I can understand not wanting to be solely appreciated for your body and I don't think that's okay, but I like being objectified when that's consensual. And objectification should only be consensual. It's still objectification but everyone's on board. I actually got some pushback from guys where it's like, “Well, I think it's hot to objectify people.” And it's like, okay, but you're an asshole. (laughter) That's why I made this important distinction, because I think it is good and fine as long as it is consensual. And I mean, that's everything in life, is consent. I think that's the most important thing. And I think one of the biggest issues and one of the biggest disconnects that fat people and their admirers face is this struggle to communicate and find the same page in terms of what is okay and what's not, and what each person is comfortable with. I just really think consent and communication are the most important things and it's difficult because as fat people, we have so much trauma and shame. Even if you are someone who's happy with your body, there's always still something. And that's true of anyone who has a body.
On the other side, I think there is also something that… I hate saying this, but as fat people, we need to understand that when you find something so beautiful and everyone hates it and everyone says it's wrong and terrible, that creates its own terrible shame system. It's toxic and you have to carry it, and it's finding the balance in being vocal about, like, “No, actually, I think this is beautiful. I think this is hot. I think this is wonderful and I think that fat people should be able to exist.” It's a tightrope walk. And that's why I think, going back to allyship and what I love about the podcast, is… My husband, Dan, gives seminars at chub chaser events about how chasers can be less toxic and how chubs can deal with chasers. And my friend Michael, who's one of the co-hosts, is open about just trying to be the best partner he can, and the pain in feeling like you're trying to do everything you can and you feel like it's not enough and you're hurting for your partner. And I think if we can get that beyond partners to, like, friends and family and stuff. Like, you have skin in this game too, because if you really care about the fat people in your life, you will shut down fatphobia when you hear it. You will advocate for them. When someone posts something shitty on Facebook, you say something and you will not just sit quietly and be like, “Oh, I hate that they're doing that.” Like, you really stand up for the people you love, that you say you love. Be an active ally, basically.
BREE: I'm glad you mentioned those specifically. I was totally going to ask what are some calls to action for partners or allies in general.
TREVOR: This is a personal example and I feel like this is a good place to share it. So, you know I wrote the New York Times article, which a lot of people shared. I also wrote on Medium. I had an article I was trying to sell, I couldn't really sell it. It was about fatphobia kind of flaring up during the pandemic and dealing with it now that we're leaving. And I had a lot of allies tell me how much they loved it, and I wanted to be like, “Okay, but then you should post it too so other people can see it.” I think there's still this hesitation where you find something that resonates with you and you understand and you feel that hesitation of like, “Well, I don't want to deal with people being nasty if I share this.” You know, something political. The best way to show support with something like that is to post it and then shut down people that are being assholes. I was so torn because I don't want to be like, “Well, you should post it so people will read it and I can get more views.” It's like, “You should post it because it's important for other people to understand these feelings and also to see this isn't just a fat person complaining about being fat. There are thin people that understand and want others to understand.” I think the big thing is there are so many microaggressions and little pinpricks that everyone witnesses and if you, as a thin person, can shut that down or just say something and get people to realize like, “Oh, actually, that's not okay.
BREE: Yeah, for sure. Everybody step up!
We've come to the end. What a fast hour! Thank you so much, Trevor, for being here and for sharing everything that you shared.
TREVOR: I was so happy to be here.
BREE: Okay, now this is the part where we just say byeeeee!
TREVOR: Bye!
BREE: (laughter)
***
The FATT List
All items are listed in alphabetical order.
Community
Allies, step up! Call out fatphobia when you see it. Trevor explains, “It's important for other people to understand these feelings and also to see this isn't just a fat person complaining about being fat. There are thin people that understand and want others to understand.”
Fat gay men may find community in the chub chaser or bear communities.
Find your tribe in clubs and groups at school!
In high school, Trevor found community in the GSA.
Find your tribe online!
“Back in the day”, Trevor found community in the fat gay world on the blogging platform LiveJournal.
Getting involved with NAAFA empowered Trevor as a fat activist. He referenced the NAAFA Convention (keep your eyes peeled for the next one in the future) and the Future of NAAFA Committee (which anyone can join any time! Contact NAAFA to learn more.)
Having fat friends really matters.
Reach out to friends for support when you experience fat stigma IRL.
Recruit fat allies! Trevor explains, “Finding people who will stand up for you has always been really important to me.
Movement
Advocate for yourself with trainers and instructors. If you require modification, or if they’re adding more weight then you’re ready for. Remind them that you’re already carrying a lot of weight in a fat body.
Find any kind of movement that is “something that you enjoy and that puts you more in touch with your body and what it's capable of and appreciating the strength in the little things you do.”
Pilates
It helped alleviate Trevor’s back injury.
Roller derby
Bree found empowerment in this sport.
Sumo
Trevor found empowerment in this sport.
Media
The Big Fat Gay Podcast (Trevor’s podcast!)
Chris March (Project Runway)
Dexter Mayfield (dancer; @dexrated)
Guy Branham (comedian, host of Talk Show the Game Show)
“How Sumo Taught Me to Love the Gym” (Trevor’s New York Times article!)
Ortho from Beetlejuice (played by Glenn Shadix)
Spencer Pablo (artist & photographer; @howeverchubby)
Check out his tutorials on how to photograph a fat body and how to take better pictures of yourself
Watch sumo for fat representation!
Events
Big Bayou (chub chaser event in New Orleans, Louisiana)
Bigger Vegas (chub chaser event in Las Vegas, Nevada)
Fat-centric events like BBW Bashes, fat pool parties, and chub chaser events are super empowering.
Clothing
Winston Box (big and tall subscription clothing service)
Miscellaneous
Take a hot shower or jump in a pool for de-stressing and cleansing after fatphobic experiences (or just for self-care in general!)
Bree also describes using a shower as a way to shift the energy of whatever was just experienced.
Taking cute pictures of yourself (and your butt!) can be a very empowering experience.
When experience fatphobia, reframing it as their problem and not yours can be helpful.
Trevor explains, “This interaction is someone processing their own issues and trauma with their body, and just knowing that they're in this space and it sucks, but that's where they're at and it's not about me, it's about them and them dealing with their own issues about their body or just about bodies in general.”
A photo of Bree, a fat, white, middle-aged person with very short teal hair. They’ve got an open mouth smile and a tank top that says “EMOTIONAL”.
Bree XVI (they/them) is a NAAFA member who likes to help people in the ways they know how. They provide collaborative emotional and spiritual support and resources through their venture Bree is Helpful AF. A lifelong writer, they also enjoy playing music, making art, and petting every cat that will let them. Born and raised in Philadelphia (Lenape land), they now reside in Los Angeles (Gabrielino-Tongva land) with their partner and succulent garden.
OPINION DISCLAIMER: Any views or opinions stated in the NAAFA Community Voices Blog are personal and belong solely to the blog author. They do not represent the views or opinions of NAAFA or the people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated. Any views or opinions are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual.