Editor’s note: The writer of this submission to the NAAFA Blog has chosen to remain anonymous. We remind readers that coming out as 2LGBTQIA+ is still not safe for all people in all spaces, and we urge our readers to engage in actions that make the world a better place for all queer people of all sizes. The author has included recommendations for organizations which will help you learn more about asexuality, other queer identities, and how to become a better ally if you are not 2LGBTQIA+ yourself. 

According to Meriam Webster, Asexuality (Ace) is: not having sexual feelings toward others : not experiencing sexual desire or attraction. Basically, it is an inborn absence of sexual desire.

I am not Asexual because I am Fat. I am Asexual and Fat.

No, I am not Asexual because no one would want to have sex with me because of my fatness. There are plenty of people who would. Some of us hear from them often. And by the way, some Asexual people can/do have sex.

I am also not Asexual because I haven’t met the right (insert sexual organ here). If I had a dime for every person who has told an Asexual person that, I would buy all the garlic bread.

Fat Liberation or Body Positivity can be hard spaces for Asexual people to navigate sometimes because for many, body liberation also includes sexual/sensual aspects of their lives. For myself personally, talk of fat sex/pleasure or images of those things makes me uncomfortable.

The other tough part of navigating Fat Liberation or Body Positivity spaces is that when you bring up the uncomfortable way these things make you feel, since you are not the majority, your words can be ignored. 

Finding safety in Queer spaces can be hard for Asexual people. When you are Fat and Asexual, it also comes with all the Fat bias, weight stigma, Fat hate too.

When you are Fat and Asexual, routine medical exams can be straight up bad. You have all the weight bias mixed in with doctors not believing your sexual status. 

There really is no reliable research on whether someone who has never had vaginal sex should get a pap. The fact that I have to pay for a pregnancy test with a urine sample even though there is no way that is possible (the writer of this has a uterus). Again, Asexual people can/do have sex but for those of us who haven’t, you have very limited options to opt out of these things.

Asexual people are not wrong or broken or looking for attention. We are here and we are valid.

To learn more about Asexuality in general,  the Asexual Visibility and Education Network AVEN  or the Trevor Project can be a great place to start. 

Author bio: 

Anonymous Author is a long-time member of fat community and an active advocate for fat rights. 

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